Does Leadership Make You Feel Like a Jerk?

“Leaders don’t ask if they have to do the assignments,” I barked the other evening at a participant in our Tribal Leadership Approval Program.

Immediately, I wished I’d held my tongue or spoken a little more gently. Perhaps I could have asked an open ended question inviting the group to explore their own relationship to leadership, authority, and “have to do” as motivations. The question flooding my mind in that instant was: “Why does being in a leadership role frequently make me feel like such a jerk?”

After that evening’s program, I found myself reflecting on something Dave Logan had said in our first Tribal Rainmakers call earlier that same day. Rainmakers are people who have mastered both gravitas and warmth in service of making it rain for their tribes. In my own life, it usually feels as though one is absent when the other is present. I can bring the gravitas – or I can bring the warmth, but rarely do I feel that I’ve brought both at the same time.

The next day, I reviewed my performance with one of my core triads. My Tribal Leadership Approval Program triad is frequently a first stop when I’m challenged by my own growth and performance. As I anguished through the review, I bemoaned what an intolerant jerk I’d been.

They’d not heard the jerk; they’d heard the commitment to the growth of leaders in the program. They suggested that gravitas and warmth were both present and that I’m a better leader when I’m willing to let the bark out.

I’d really rather not. I’d prefer to avoid every difficult conversation on the horizon. I’d really prefer to not hold anyone accountable for anything they’ve ever said. The only problem is that it’s impossible to lead from avoidance.

My drive to lead is in sharp conflict with my desire to hide out. The battle I create for myself on a daily basis is to put myself in roles where hiding out is deadly. Can you hear me barking at myself now? “Leaders don’t hide out!”

If you’re called to lead, you likely have something that you’d rather do than lead. Identify what it is, get some support in not doing it (or at least doing it less), and get out there and lead a little more.

And, if you’re looking for support, check out the programs of the CultureSync Academy like our Tribal Leadership Intensive. It’s a great program for identifying that thing you do that isn’t leading and applying new tools to get you back into the leadership role more quickly, more powerfully, and for longer periods of time.